There are a lot of thoughts bouncing aroud my head right now. Lots of prayer for sure. Mainly for one particular young lady and the decisions that she is having to make. I pray that she is at peace with whatever she decides to do. I wish I could speak more about it at this time, but it's just not time to. If you want to join me in prayer for this special lady and for her family that they will be there for her no matter what she chooses, I'm sure it will be greatly appriciated by many people.
Thank you so much!
Rosemary
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Monday, February 14, 2011
He loves us because He loves us because He loves us....
Today was Valentine's Day. It also marks 2 months to the day when I got to see my beautiful baby girl. It was also the day that Bobby and I finally had our genetic appointment. It couldn't have gone any better. There is nothing wrong with Bobby and I!! We can have perfectly healthy babies, it is possible! We were told that Enoch, and Mary Alice's reasons for their outcomes were totally random. We just happen to have 2 random things happen to 2 of our babies.
We also found out the main cause for Mary Alice's conditions. She had Amniotic Banding happen to her. If you do the research you will see that it's an aweful thing. When you do, you may think, well there were sooo many things that went on, how could this be what she had. :( Well, the banding wraped around her cord just days after her life begain inside me that it cut off most of the nutrients she needed to grow.
Also, I just wanted to say that Jesus loves you, because He loves you, because He loves you, because that's what He is... Love. Happy Valentine's Day.
We also found out the main cause for Mary Alice's conditions. She had Amniotic Banding happen to her. If you do the research you will see that it's an aweful thing. When you do, you may think, well there were sooo many things that went on, how could this be what she had. :( Well, the banding wraped around her cord just days after her life begain inside me that it cut off most of the nutrients she needed to grow.
Also, I just wanted to say that Jesus loves you, because He loves you, because He loves you, because that's what He is... Love. Happy Valentine's Day.
Friday, February 4, 2011
Butterfly
A few months ago a little 3 year old girl said to her daddy and mommy, "Mary Alice is like a butterfly and when she comes out she is going to fly home to Trey (Bobby) and Rosie." This is from the daughter of one of my very closests friends. I didn't take what this little girl said lightly because I knew this girl had spoken some very profound things before and I knew that an average 3 year old wouldn't think of something like that on her own. She spoke truth. Now I didn't know if Mary Alice was actually going to come home with Bobby and I or if she was going to fly home to heaven and be in our hearts for ever. Either way, it was truth and I clung to it as a hope, knowing everything is going to be just fine no matter what happened.
Also, even before I became pregnant with little Mary Alice I knew that I wanted a nursery decorated in a cowboys and indians theme. Boy or girl I didn't care. Since that was the case I found myself drawn to horses.
About a week after Mary Alice was born I went to one of my favorite stores, Mardels. While I was there, I came across a book about a child prodigy name, Akiane. She is a famous artist that painted things she saw in her Dreams. Her most famous painting is probably one she did of Jesus when she was 8 years old.
As I looked through the book I came across a painting that I will never forget.
So there is not much to say after looking at the painting and reading what Akiane had to say about it.... All I could say is, "Thank You Jesus!"
Note: I c&p from Akiane's website, that's why there's a big copyright sign on the picture. lol
Also, even before I became pregnant with little Mary Alice I knew that I wanted a nursery decorated in a cowboys and indians theme. Boy or girl I didn't care. Since that was the case I found myself drawn to horses.
About a week after Mary Alice was born I went to one of my favorite stores, Mardels. While I was there, I came across a book about a child prodigy name, Akiane. She is a famous artist that painted things she saw in her Dreams. Her most famous painting is probably one she did of Jesus when she was 8 years old.
As I looked through the book I came across a painting that I will never forget.
"Butterfly Passion"
...Whether in his dream or for real, a horse is running after his love downstream, while the love butterflies surround him. The bubbles represent womb and beginning. I painted this scene to express the search for love and its meaning... - Akiane
So there is not much to say after looking at the painting and reading what Akiane had to say about it.... All I could say is, "Thank You Jesus!"
Note: I c&p from Akiane's website, that's why there's a big copyright sign on the picture. lol
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
The Broken Hearted
While I was carrying Mary Alice, Bobby said to me one night,"There's always someone whose got it worse." I just starred at him from across the table like what could be any worse then carrying a baby that isn't physically fit to live. Ofcourse, he new what I was thinking. He said, "I know that sounds crazy, but think about it. We are going to be alright, we will make it through this." (well I can't remember what he said, but that is what I remember when I think back on that night).
Bobby's words stuck with me, "There's always someone whose got it worse." I would think, do they really? Lord, how so? cause I'm so not feeling it. Soon enough, I started to realize...
There is a song by Brandon Heath called "Give Me Your Eyes". It's about a person who wants to know what God is thinking, feeling, and just seeing things the way He sees them. I began to pray about those things for me. My heart became so compassionate for other people. I would cry for them and my heart would break for them.
Over the past few weeks a friend of mine, Kristin Buchert, has been going through some pretty tough stuff herself. She is expecting her 2nd child and has been overcoming complications with one of her kidneys. She has been in a lot of pain and needs constant medication for it. Because of this, she is stuck laying in a bed at the hospital. Tonight I recieved a text from her saying that her house caught on fire. This took my breath away and yup, my eyes were watering. This is crazy, this shouldn't be happening, but it is. Don't worry, her family is all safe.
Although it's not the same situation, I know what it feels like to be living a nightmare that you can't just wake up and stop it at anytime. Her hands are tied and there's not a thing she can do about it right now. Thank you Jesus, because, my hands are not tied. I can help and it's not "far beyond my reach." (lol sorry it's a line from the song).
I wanted to ask, if you believe, to pray for Kristin and her family. That she is able to relax and be at peace knowing that everything is being taken care of. That she is healed. That her little boy brings light to everyone he's surrounded by and to keep him healthy. For her husband, that he would just have the Lord's way in everything concerning his family, home, health, and job. In Jesus' name..
Okay, so I've been contemplating doing this, but then I thought why not... I want to give you the opportunity to reach your hand out and help. (If you feel you want or need to). If you want to send them something to help out, (household items, money, food, or even a card to brighten their day) send me an email here and we will work out the details. They lost a lot of things in the fire. The new baby girl to be's things, kitchen appliances, and stuff from their garage.
Thank ya'll for your love and support,
Rosemary
Bobby's words stuck with me, "There's always someone whose got it worse." I would think, do they really? Lord, how so? cause I'm so not feeling it. Soon enough, I started to realize...
There is a song by Brandon Heath called "Give Me Your Eyes". It's about a person who wants to know what God is thinking, feeling, and just seeing things the way He sees them. I began to pray about those things for me. My heart became so compassionate for other people. I would cry for them and my heart would break for them.
Over the past few weeks a friend of mine, Kristin Buchert, has been going through some pretty tough stuff herself. She is expecting her 2nd child and has been overcoming complications with one of her kidneys. She has been in a lot of pain and needs constant medication for it. Because of this, she is stuck laying in a bed at the hospital. Tonight I recieved a text from her saying that her house caught on fire. This took my breath away and yup, my eyes were watering. This is crazy, this shouldn't be happening, but it is. Don't worry, her family is all safe.
Although it's not the same situation, I know what it feels like to be living a nightmare that you can't just wake up and stop it at anytime. Her hands are tied and there's not a thing she can do about it right now. Thank you Jesus, because, my hands are not tied. I can help and it's not "far beyond my reach." (lol sorry it's a line from the song).
I wanted to ask, if you believe, to pray for Kristin and her family. That she is able to relax and be at peace knowing that everything is being taken care of. That she is healed. That her little boy brings light to everyone he's surrounded by and to keep him healthy. For her husband, that he would just have the Lord's way in everything concerning his family, home, health, and job. In Jesus' name..
Okay, so I've been contemplating doing this, but then I thought why not... I want to give you the opportunity to reach your hand out and help. (If you feel you want or need to). If you want to send them something to help out, (household items, money, food, or even a card to brighten their day) send me an email here and we will work out the details. They lost a lot of things in the fire. The new baby girl to be's things, kitchen appliances, and stuff from their garage.
Thank ya'll for your love and support,
Rosemary
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Pictures
One of the things I wanted at Mary Alice's birth was a photographer. This was something I dreamed about way before I became pregnant with her. You see, I had a photographer from Now I lay me down to sleep come out and take pictures of Enoch's birth. I love those pictures and they are so precious to me. So, naturally I wanted professional pictures done for my 2nd baby. When we started finding out all the things going on with Mary Alice I didn't know if I should contact NILMDTS again or to hire an actual birth photographer.
Well as you know, Mary Alice came earlier than expected so I didn't have time for neither... or so I thought. When I got to the hospital I was on the phone with my mother-in-law asking her if she would bring her camera. My midwife Tina over heard me talking about a camera so she asked me if I wanted her to call a friend of hers to come take pictures. I imediately jumped on the opportunity.
She had a photographer named, Melissa, come in. She was amazing!! Half the time I never knew she was there and she captured some very beautiful pictures. I am so blessed by her time and dedication she put into everything.
So here it is... I decided to share some of the memories of Mary Alice's birthday that Melissa ever so beautifully captured for us... but first, press play on this video. It's the song "Beautiful" By MercyMe that I played for my baby girl numerous times. Then scroll to look at the pictures :-)
Well as you know, Mary Alice came earlier than expected so I didn't have time for neither... or so I thought. When I got to the hospital I was on the phone with my mother-in-law asking her if she would bring her camera. My midwife Tina over heard me talking about a camera so she asked me if I wanted her to call a friend of hers to come take pictures. I imediately jumped on the opportunity.
She had a photographer named, Melissa, come in. She was amazing!! Half the time I never knew she was there and she captured some very beautiful pictures. I am so blessed by her time and dedication she put into everything.
So here it is... I decided to share some of the memories of Mary Alice's birthday that Melissa ever so beautifully captured for us... but first, press play on this video. It's the song "Beautiful" By MercyMe that I played for my baby girl numerous times. Then scroll to look at the pictures :-)
Friday, December 31, 2010
The Last Day of 2010
People have asked... so what are your goals for 2011? What do you want to accomplish? I already have the answer before they finish asking the question.... I want a child that I can actually raise.
People say... wow you are so strong! The truth is, I'm just like everyone else. It hurts. I'm tired of waiting. I know what I want and I want it now... but this is so out of my control.
At the same time, I can't help but feel so blessed. I have 2 babies in heaven that I don't ever have to worry about again. They are safe.
But it's just not fair... why me? why do I have to feel as if I've been robbed? It's not fair, but this is the life I've been given.
So I rejoice and I'm glad in it.
Why? How?.... I don't know. lol. but I do rejoice and I really am glad. I can't help but get giddy when I find out someone dear to me is "expecting", or that another person is about to pop and I want to be there when her little princess is born.
Well, I don't know why, but I felt compelled to blog my feelings and thoughts. They are very up and down, but I guess that's okay.
"It is what it is"- Blake Watson (facebook: Prayforblake)
This is my heart...
People say... wow you are so strong! The truth is, I'm just like everyone else. It hurts. I'm tired of waiting. I know what I want and I want it now... but this is so out of my control.
At the same time, I can't help but feel so blessed. I have 2 babies in heaven that I don't ever have to worry about again. They are safe.
But it's just not fair... why me? why do I have to feel as if I've been robbed? It's not fair, but this is the life I've been given.
So I rejoice and I'm glad in it.
Why? How?.... I don't know. lol. but I do rejoice and I really am glad. I can't help but get giddy when I find out someone dear to me is "expecting", or that another person is about to pop and I want to be there when her little princess is born.
Well, I don't know why, but I felt compelled to blog my feelings and thoughts. They are very up and down, but I guess that's okay.
"It is what it is"- Blake Watson (facebook: Prayforblake)
This is my heart...
Thursday, December 16, 2010
The Joy of Suffering
This is a blog post I have been pondering now for a few months. Many of you are just finding out about our baby girl, or know that something happened but don't know what. I'm just going to start from before the beginning of her life...
Many of you know that Bobby and I had a still born son, Enoch Lynn Pope. (His 2nd birthday will be on April 17th, 2011). We had a perfect pregnancy with no complications so when his heart stopped beating it was a complete shocker. We have had several test ran to figure out the cause, but found nothing. He was completely normal. He was such a gift to us and we will always treasure our time with him.
He was going to be named after Bobby, but when he died, Bobby asked if we could save the name we had for him. I was hesitant at first, but then I was told what his Grandma Pope had found... She was in the waiting room with our family reading her bible and praying. She prayed about a name saying, "Lord, I don't know if they are thinking about changing this baby's name, but if so what could we use?" Then it came to her as she was reading... "Enoch walked with God, but he was not because God took him." Genesis 5:24. Once I heard that I had to change his name. Looking back on my pregnancy with him I remember never feeling comfortable calling Enoch, Bobby or any other "nick name" I came up with. Now we know why :)
So after his birth Bobby and I decided to wait till we had his truck paid off to start having more kids. We paid his truck off in September of 2009. In May, the day before Mother's Day, Bobby and I were at a "get together" with a lot of our friends. While we were there we had found out that one of them had a baby a couple of days before. For some reason that crushed me inside. I have had several friends have babies since Enoch and non of them had tugged at my emotions like this one. I did my best to keep myself together, but on the way home I let it all out. Until that time I had never asked God why did this happen to me? I felt like Hannah weeping in the house of the Lord. (1 Samuel 1) When we got home Bobby nelt down, laid his hands on my stomach and prayed that my womb would be opened again and that we would conceive that month. Once he prayed I had a peace. The next day was Mother's Day and our pastor preached about Hannah.
Hannah was 1 of 2 wives in the bible married to a man named Elkanah. The other wife had childern, but Hannah did not. One day she wept in the house of the Lord so much people thought she was drunk. She wasn't, she wanted childern of her own so bad. She told God that if he would bless her and give her a baby that she would give the baby back to the Lord. Sure enough, the Lord blessed her with a child.
Well, sure enough, for us that was the month I became pregnant! When we found out I litterally jumped for joy and laughed and laughed. Bobby's eyes starting "sweating"... we were so happy. I knew she was a girl before we concieved her.
We decided to go with a midwife again (we used one on the first pregnancy too), but had to use a different one cause our first one, Kelly Miller, had moved to San Angelo, Tx. We found one we were comfortable with in Rockwall, Tx. Tina Rowe-Woodall. Everything was normal everytime we went for a check-up. We had even had a couple of sonograms done and we thought everything was normal.
We were scheduled for a sonogram on Saturday, Oct. 9th at 22 weeks (5 1/2 months). While I was there having the sono done I knew something wasn't right. I could tell by looking at the sono-screen without someone telling me. Once the sono was over my midwife took me into another room and told us that they saw somethings out of the normal with her head and tummy. She didn't diagnose anything though. She got in contact with a perinatologist for us so we can get a better look at what we saw.
Finally on Tuesday, Oct. 12th we had an appointment set. The bummer part about it was that it was next Wednesday on the 20th a week later. I had been kind of down about the waiting of my appointment, but that night I had a bible study to go to at my church. Every Tuesday for 10 weeks some of the ladies at our church got together and studied the book of Esther in the bible. We used a study guide by a lady named Beth Moore. During the lesson that night Beth spoke about God's timing. She said, "When it's the meantime, it's God's time." Meaning that during the meantime (or waiting game) don't worry, God is working on something up in the heavenlies. That spoke to me loud and clear.
So on Wednesday, Oct. 20th Bobby and I went to the perinatologist (or specialist) to look at our baby, Mary Alice. We asked that the specialist be very upfront with us about what he saw. Well he did... He said that her abdomen didn't form properly and that some of her organs had grown on the outstide of her belly and that there might be something wrong with her heart. Then he said that she has a severe cleft-lip/palete. He then said that her skull isn't fully formed meaning that her brain is exposed. (her skull and brain is what I noticed without professionals having to tell me). That doctor recomended we terminate the pregnancy early, because, she will not be able to live a sustainable life outside my womb. He also said, that I was at a risk of heart attack, stroke, etc. He wanted us to get a 2nd opinion so he got us another appointment for the next day to see another specialist.
So on Thursday, Oct. 21st we went to our appointment. The specialist told us almost the same thing, but said that her heart was fine and everything was fixable, except her skull and that was the key to her living outside of my womb. Also, he said I was capable of carrying her full term. He recomended us getting an MRI done to see if we could figure out more of what is going on and maybe what has caused this. Both doctors thought she had Trisomy 13 or 18. They were leaning more towards the 13 though (they are cromosome disorders). We had an amno done (were they draw fluid from my belly and tested for cromosome problems).
We got the first results back and it said that she did NOT have Trisomy 13 or 18. All of those results came back normal. They said it will take a little longer to get the rest back.
So anyways, we had the MRI done on Mary Alice on Friday, Oct. 29th (more waiting). The MRI specialist told us more of the same and asked if we wanted to see the pictures. We denied seeing them. With every visit to the doctors, Tina my midwife, came with us. We asked her if she would stay and look at the pictures and have the specialist tell her more of what she was seeing. So she did. Tina called us and told us everything. The Specialist didn't know what to diagnose Mary Alice with, but she noticed that she had a really short umbilical cord. So in medical terms she said that was the cause. By the looks of the MRI it looked like her cord was only about 2 1/2 inches. (a normal cord is about 2 feet).
Never did we think we would be considering "termination"... but....
While we were going to all the specialist in October we were contimplating terminating the pregnancy early just so we didn't have to deal with this any longer, but at the same time we felt it wasn't right for us to do that. Well, that Friday afternoon I was driving to my parent's house as the sun was setting (beautiful) and then I came to a peace about what to do. I was to carry her as long as possible. She was safe inside of me. My reasoning to keep her as long as possible actually wasn't because she was a human herself as much as it was, if God was going to heal her I would need to carry her. If we decided to "terminate" then we wouldn't be giving God the chance. So no matter what the outcome was we put our trust in God.
During all of this we were looking for a doctor to switch to. Some wouldn't take on our case because of the extreme high-risk of Mary Alice. Finally, Tina found one. Dr. Reba-Williams White. She is a women's doctor based out of Terrell, Tx and also practices in Rockwall, Tx. Once again, though, more waiting.... It was the beginning of November and she couldn't see me until Dec. 1st!
The month of November we just enjoyed our time with her. We would anoint her with oil and pray for her ALL THE TIME :) Something that the MRI specialist said was that she didn't really have a brain, and what she did have was completely messed up. I loved how that became not true, because, she had a sleep pattern, she hiccupped, when Bobby and I would play with her by pushing on my belly she would push back and when people would talk to her she would start kicking. She also loved Christmas music and was a dancer like her mommy ;) Bobby and I would fall asleep at night with our hands on my belly feeling little Mary Alice move.
I had times when I would just cry and had some conversations with God saying, if You are really there with me, and You really love me then I need You to show me. Sure enough, :) He always showed Himself and proved His love for me. A couple of days after I asked Him that, I had my weekly bible study... The whole lesson was about God's love for us!
I never doubted that He is God, or that He COULD heal Mary Alice. I knew that if it was His WILL, then He WOULD heal her. We thanked Him for whatever desicion He had decided to do.
So Dec. 1st rolled around and I had my appointment with Dr. White. I love her! She said that she was going to do everything she could to get me a natural birth with my daughter. Dr. White asked if I would go see a perinatologist that she knew just to check the progress of everything and to look at her cord again. So, on Dec. 6th I went to the specialist. I saw her cord and it wasn't only 2 1/2 inches.... THANK YOU LORD! It was short, but not that short. We couldn't see it all, but what we saw was about 6 inches. The specialist said that it was very possible to deliver her naturally, but didn't want me to go past 37 weeks. At this point I was at 30 weeks.
On Sunday, Dec. 12th, Bobby left for a week on a business trip to Duncan, OK. During that week on Wednesday, Dec. 15th I was to have a check up with Dr. White and we would have probably had discussed a birthing plan. We never made it that far...
On Monday, Dec. 13th, I felt like taking it easy. I had been having Braxton-Hicks contractions (or practice contractions) a lot. Around 4 o'clock I decide to fold some laundry and the B-H contractions started hurting a little. When I was done I went a googled the difference between practice on contractions and the real deal. Some said that having a little pain during the B-H contractions was normal. So I decided to go relax in the bath. I felt a little nervous with Bobby being gone and all. I told my mom and she said to call my doctor or midwife to see what they thought. I called Bobby to tell him and he prayed with me and then said that I should call Tina because I would be able to get a hold of her faster than I would my doctor. (Tina and Dr. White are close so I knew if it was serious then we could get a hold of my doctor easy with Tina). I called Tina and explained to her what I was feeling and she said that it just sounds like B-H contractions. She said I could come by her office in the morning and she would check me just to give me a peace of mind. So on Tuesday I went to the center and she checked me. She said, "Oh my, you are dialated to a 5." Her husband works for the same company that Bobby does so she called her husband, Paul, and he made a couple of phone calls to get Bobby back to me. I talked to Bobby and he was on his way.
Tina made some phone calls to the hospital and to her other clients cancelling the day's appointments. I made some phone calls to my parents and Bobby's parents and told them what was up.
From there I followed Tina to the hospital (lol yes, I drove my in labor self to the hospital). Jesus was all in this. People couldn't tell that I was in labor. My own midwife asked me, "are you having contractions?" I said, "Yes, at this very moment." My whole body was calm. When I got to the hospital they hooked me up to the machines and such. I had a quick sono to see if Mary Alice was head down and she was. He also checked to see the umbilical cord. We got to see all of it! It was plenty long for me to deliver her. ( we knew that we were taking the chance of the cord rupturing at only 6 inches). I said, "Thank You Jesus." The nurse also checked me again and said that I was between 6-7 cm. dialated! So in about an hour I had dialated some more! We were all waiting on Bobby to get there before I had Mary Alice. He got there a little after 2 o'clock.
It was so funny while friends and family were in the room talking to me, asking me questions. There would be moments that I wouldn't respond because of a contraction. I would try to point at the monitor to show them that I'm "busy". They thought I was pointing toward the door and they asked me if I wanted them to leave." Inside I would be laughing, because, I knew they didn't know I was having a contraction.
Dr. White decided to give me a little pitocin to help my contractions. Mary Alice wasn't ready to come out and so she wanted my contractions to be good and strong all over to help get Mary Alice delivered. I told her that I didn't want the pit., but she insisted that I get a little. I caved in and let her. Before the pit. I asked for an epidural because I knew how aweful pitocin felt. They gave it to me. I think I may have had about 5 min. of pit. and I knew it was time.
After we lost Enoch, I remember telling people, "I don't know what hurts worse, being able to see and hold your still born baby or not being able to ever see your baby (like when someone has a misscarrage). This was way more intense. I could feel her all the time, but was so scared that I didn't know if I would ever be able to look at my own baby girl. Since the beginning of October, at times I felt like I was in a nightmare.
So the time had come for Mary Alice to be born. When she came out Bobby held a blanket up so we didn't see her. She came out alive! She was making noises and he said okay, that's it I've got to see her. So he walked over to her under the heater and watched her. He told me that she had a seizure and he thought she was about to die. All of a sudden she started breathing normally.<-----That right there is a miracle.
Tina and her assistant Linda, and Bobby cleaned her up and wrapped her in blankets. When I saw Bobby holding her the doctors and nurses could not move fast enough on cleaning everything up. I started moving wanting to get up, but I couldn't. As calm as I was through the whole labor and delivery I had a breaking point. I said/yelled,"OKAY YA'LL HURRY UP!" I had to see her. I knew she was still alive and I didn't know how long that was going to be. They hurried and she was in my arms.
As imperfect as she was, she was so perfect to me.
Everyone who came got to see her alive and got to hold her if they wanted to. Bobby, Mary Alice, and I got to spend family time together alone. We were getting my phone ready to play her some Christmas music when litterly Christmas Carolers came to our room. I will never forget that. I balled so hard as they sang "Joy to the World." Bobby and I then played her some music and we sang to her.
A song I played for her as I carried her in my womb was "Beautiful" by MercyMe. We got to play that song to her.
She would grab my finger some and even grabbed my pocket on my hospital gown. Also, as the nurse was cleaning her feet with a wipe before she got her foot prints, she jerked her feet away. It was so amazing! Her brain worked! She would cry some too. It was beautiful. I got to hold her skin to skin and she let out a cry. I had never heard any of my 2 babies cry until then. Beautiful.
I knew time was getting close for her to go to heaven so I asked Bobby to ask people to leave. Bobby held her as she took her last breath. As she was about to go we were praying, "Jesus, she is all Yours." Once she left I looked at Bobby and said, "She's completely healed now." It was so peaceful. We didn't break out crying. We held her longer and looked at her little hands a feet. It was so silent. We called my parents and told them that she had passed. Bobby's parents had gone to get him something to eat so we told them when they came back. Some of Bobby's family was still there so we let them say their good byes. Bobby and I held her a little longer and then we called the nurse in there to take her. I held her body tight not wanting to forget the feeling of her and cried because she was no more.
As much as it hurts to not have another child with us we are at peace. We know that she belongs in heaven and that she is not going to feel any pain or suffer. This is something we have known about for a while, but decided not to tell everyone the details. We only told our parents everything. People knew to pray about Mary Alice and knew that there were concerns, but not all the details. It was hard at times when people would ask questions, but we would just tell them that we don't want to talk about it. I didn't want negative talk going around making things worse. We knew almost the whole time that she may not live and to know that she is okay now makes us happy.
Mary Alice Pope
Born: December 14, 2010 at 3:49p.m.
Weight: 3lbs 11oz
Length: 17 1/2 in
Died: December 14, 2010 at 8:56p.m.
She is a miracle.
Many of you know that Bobby and I had a still born son, Enoch Lynn Pope. (His 2nd birthday will be on April 17th, 2011). We had a perfect pregnancy with no complications so when his heart stopped beating it was a complete shocker. We have had several test ran to figure out the cause, but found nothing. He was completely normal. He was such a gift to us and we will always treasure our time with him.
He was going to be named after Bobby, but when he died, Bobby asked if we could save the name we had for him. I was hesitant at first, but then I was told what his Grandma Pope had found... She was in the waiting room with our family reading her bible and praying. She prayed about a name saying, "Lord, I don't know if they are thinking about changing this baby's name, but if so what could we use?" Then it came to her as she was reading... "Enoch walked with God, but he was not because God took him." Genesis 5:24. Once I heard that I had to change his name. Looking back on my pregnancy with him I remember never feeling comfortable calling Enoch, Bobby or any other "nick name" I came up with. Now we know why :)
So after his birth Bobby and I decided to wait till we had his truck paid off to start having more kids. We paid his truck off in September of 2009. In May, the day before Mother's Day, Bobby and I were at a "get together" with a lot of our friends. While we were there we had found out that one of them had a baby a couple of days before. For some reason that crushed me inside. I have had several friends have babies since Enoch and non of them had tugged at my emotions like this one. I did my best to keep myself together, but on the way home I let it all out. Until that time I had never asked God why did this happen to me? I felt like Hannah weeping in the house of the Lord. (1 Samuel 1) When we got home Bobby nelt down, laid his hands on my stomach and prayed that my womb would be opened again and that we would conceive that month. Once he prayed I had a peace. The next day was Mother's Day and our pastor preached about Hannah.
Hannah was 1 of 2 wives in the bible married to a man named Elkanah. The other wife had childern, but Hannah did not. One day she wept in the house of the Lord so much people thought she was drunk. She wasn't, she wanted childern of her own so bad. She told God that if he would bless her and give her a baby that she would give the baby back to the Lord. Sure enough, the Lord blessed her with a child.
Well, sure enough, for us that was the month I became pregnant! When we found out I litterally jumped for joy and laughed and laughed. Bobby's eyes starting "sweating"... we were so happy. I knew she was a girl before we concieved her.
We decided to go with a midwife again (we used one on the first pregnancy too), but had to use a different one cause our first one, Kelly Miller, had moved to San Angelo, Tx. We found one we were comfortable with in Rockwall, Tx. Tina Rowe-Woodall. Everything was normal everytime we went for a check-up. We had even had a couple of sonograms done and we thought everything was normal.
We were scheduled for a sonogram on Saturday, Oct. 9th at 22 weeks (5 1/2 months). While I was there having the sono done I knew something wasn't right. I could tell by looking at the sono-screen without someone telling me. Once the sono was over my midwife took me into another room and told us that they saw somethings out of the normal with her head and tummy. She didn't diagnose anything though. She got in contact with a perinatologist for us so we can get a better look at what we saw.
Finally on Tuesday, Oct. 12th we had an appointment set. The bummer part about it was that it was next Wednesday on the 20th a week later. I had been kind of down about the waiting of my appointment, but that night I had a bible study to go to at my church. Every Tuesday for 10 weeks some of the ladies at our church got together and studied the book of Esther in the bible. We used a study guide by a lady named Beth Moore. During the lesson that night Beth spoke about God's timing. She said, "When it's the meantime, it's God's time." Meaning that during the meantime (or waiting game) don't worry, God is working on something up in the heavenlies. That spoke to me loud and clear.
So on Wednesday, Oct. 20th Bobby and I went to the perinatologist (or specialist) to look at our baby, Mary Alice. We asked that the specialist be very upfront with us about what he saw. Well he did... He said that her abdomen didn't form properly and that some of her organs had grown on the outstide of her belly and that there might be something wrong with her heart. Then he said that she has a severe cleft-lip/palete. He then said that her skull isn't fully formed meaning that her brain is exposed. (her skull and brain is what I noticed without professionals having to tell me). That doctor recomended we terminate the pregnancy early, because, she will not be able to live a sustainable life outside my womb. He also said, that I was at a risk of heart attack, stroke, etc. He wanted us to get a 2nd opinion so he got us another appointment for the next day to see another specialist.
So on Thursday, Oct. 21st we went to our appointment. The specialist told us almost the same thing, but said that her heart was fine and everything was fixable, except her skull and that was the key to her living outside of my womb. Also, he said I was capable of carrying her full term. He recomended us getting an MRI done to see if we could figure out more of what is going on and maybe what has caused this. Both doctors thought she had Trisomy 13 or 18. They were leaning more towards the 13 though (they are cromosome disorders). We had an amno done (were they draw fluid from my belly and tested for cromosome problems).
We got the first results back and it said that she did NOT have Trisomy 13 or 18. All of those results came back normal. They said it will take a little longer to get the rest back.
So anyways, we had the MRI done on Mary Alice on Friday, Oct. 29th (more waiting). The MRI specialist told us more of the same and asked if we wanted to see the pictures. We denied seeing them. With every visit to the doctors, Tina my midwife, came with us. We asked her if she would stay and look at the pictures and have the specialist tell her more of what she was seeing. So she did. Tina called us and told us everything. The Specialist didn't know what to diagnose Mary Alice with, but she noticed that she had a really short umbilical cord. So in medical terms she said that was the cause. By the looks of the MRI it looked like her cord was only about 2 1/2 inches. (a normal cord is about 2 feet).
Never did we think we would be considering "termination"... but....
While we were going to all the specialist in October we were contimplating terminating the pregnancy early just so we didn't have to deal with this any longer, but at the same time we felt it wasn't right for us to do that. Well, that Friday afternoon I was driving to my parent's house as the sun was setting (beautiful) and then I came to a peace about what to do. I was to carry her as long as possible. She was safe inside of me. My reasoning to keep her as long as possible actually wasn't because she was a human herself as much as it was, if God was going to heal her I would need to carry her. If we decided to "terminate" then we wouldn't be giving God the chance. So no matter what the outcome was we put our trust in God.
During all of this we were looking for a doctor to switch to. Some wouldn't take on our case because of the extreme high-risk of Mary Alice. Finally, Tina found one. Dr. Reba-Williams White. She is a women's doctor based out of Terrell, Tx and also practices in Rockwall, Tx. Once again, though, more waiting.... It was the beginning of November and she couldn't see me until Dec. 1st!
The month of November we just enjoyed our time with her. We would anoint her with oil and pray for her ALL THE TIME :) Something that the MRI specialist said was that she didn't really have a brain, and what she did have was completely messed up. I loved how that became not true, because, she had a sleep pattern, she hiccupped, when Bobby and I would play with her by pushing on my belly she would push back and when people would talk to her she would start kicking. She also loved Christmas music and was a dancer like her mommy ;) Bobby and I would fall asleep at night with our hands on my belly feeling little Mary Alice move.
I had times when I would just cry and had some conversations with God saying, if You are really there with me, and You really love me then I need You to show me. Sure enough, :) He always showed Himself and proved His love for me. A couple of days after I asked Him that, I had my weekly bible study... The whole lesson was about God's love for us!
I never doubted that He is God, or that He COULD heal Mary Alice. I knew that if it was His WILL, then He WOULD heal her. We thanked Him for whatever desicion He had decided to do.
So Dec. 1st rolled around and I had my appointment with Dr. White. I love her! She said that she was going to do everything she could to get me a natural birth with my daughter. Dr. White asked if I would go see a perinatologist that she knew just to check the progress of everything and to look at her cord again. So, on Dec. 6th I went to the specialist. I saw her cord and it wasn't only 2 1/2 inches.... THANK YOU LORD! It was short, but not that short. We couldn't see it all, but what we saw was about 6 inches. The specialist said that it was very possible to deliver her naturally, but didn't want me to go past 37 weeks. At this point I was at 30 weeks.
On Sunday, Dec. 12th, Bobby left for a week on a business trip to Duncan, OK. During that week on Wednesday, Dec. 15th I was to have a check up with Dr. White and we would have probably had discussed a birthing plan. We never made it that far...
On Monday, Dec. 13th, I felt like taking it easy. I had been having Braxton-Hicks contractions (or practice contractions) a lot. Around 4 o'clock I decide to fold some laundry and the B-H contractions started hurting a little. When I was done I went a googled the difference between practice on contractions and the real deal. Some said that having a little pain during the B-H contractions was normal. So I decided to go relax in the bath. I felt a little nervous with Bobby being gone and all. I told my mom and she said to call my doctor or midwife to see what they thought. I called Bobby to tell him and he prayed with me and then said that I should call Tina because I would be able to get a hold of her faster than I would my doctor. (Tina and Dr. White are close so I knew if it was serious then we could get a hold of my doctor easy with Tina). I called Tina and explained to her what I was feeling and she said that it just sounds like B-H contractions. She said I could come by her office in the morning and she would check me just to give me a peace of mind. So on Tuesday I went to the center and she checked me. She said, "Oh my, you are dialated to a 5." Her husband works for the same company that Bobby does so she called her husband, Paul, and he made a couple of phone calls to get Bobby back to me. I talked to Bobby and he was on his way.
Tina made some phone calls to the hospital and to her other clients cancelling the day's appointments. I made some phone calls to my parents and Bobby's parents and told them what was up.
From there I followed Tina to the hospital (lol yes, I drove my in labor self to the hospital). Jesus was all in this. People couldn't tell that I was in labor. My own midwife asked me, "are you having contractions?" I said, "Yes, at this very moment." My whole body was calm. When I got to the hospital they hooked me up to the machines and such. I had a quick sono to see if Mary Alice was head down and she was. He also checked to see the umbilical cord. We got to see all of it! It was plenty long for me to deliver her. ( we knew that we were taking the chance of the cord rupturing at only 6 inches). I said, "Thank You Jesus." The nurse also checked me again and said that I was between 6-7 cm. dialated! So in about an hour I had dialated some more! We were all waiting on Bobby to get there before I had Mary Alice. He got there a little after 2 o'clock.
It was so funny while friends and family were in the room talking to me, asking me questions. There would be moments that I wouldn't respond because of a contraction. I would try to point at the monitor to show them that I'm "busy". They thought I was pointing toward the door and they asked me if I wanted them to leave." Inside I would be laughing, because, I knew they didn't know I was having a contraction.
Dr. White decided to give me a little pitocin to help my contractions. Mary Alice wasn't ready to come out and so she wanted my contractions to be good and strong all over to help get Mary Alice delivered. I told her that I didn't want the pit., but she insisted that I get a little. I caved in and let her. Before the pit. I asked for an epidural because I knew how aweful pitocin felt. They gave it to me. I think I may have had about 5 min. of pit. and I knew it was time.
After we lost Enoch, I remember telling people, "I don't know what hurts worse, being able to see and hold your still born baby or not being able to ever see your baby (like when someone has a misscarrage). This was way more intense. I could feel her all the time, but was so scared that I didn't know if I would ever be able to look at my own baby girl. Since the beginning of October, at times I felt like I was in a nightmare.
So the time had come for Mary Alice to be born. When she came out Bobby held a blanket up so we didn't see her. She came out alive! She was making noises and he said okay, that's it I've got to see her. So he walked over to her under the heater and watched her. He told me that she had a seizure and he thought she was about to die. All of a sudden she started breathing normally.<-----That right there is a miracle.
Tina and her assistant Linda, and Bobby cleaned her up and wrapped her in blankets. When I saw Bobby holding her the doctors and nurses could not move fast enough on cleaning everything up. I started moving wanting to get up, but I couldn't. As calm as I was through the whole labor and delivery I had a breaking point. I said/yelled,"OKAY YA'LL HURRY UP!" I had to see her. I knew she was still alive and I didn't know how long that was going to be. They hurried and she was in my arms.
As imperfect as she was, she was so perfect to me.
Everyone who came got to see her alive and got to hold her if they wanted to. Bobby, Mary Alice, and I got to spend family time together alone. We were getting my phone ready to play her some Christmas music when litterly Christmas Carolers came to our room. I will never forget that. I balled so hard as they sang "Joy to the World." Bobby and I then played her some music and we sang to her.
A song I played for her as I carried her in my womb was "Beautiful" by MercyMe. We got to play that song to her.
She would grab my finger some and even grabbed my pocket on my hospital gown. Also, as the nurse was cleaning her feet with a wipe before she got her foot prints, she jerked her feet away. It was so amazing! Her brain worked! She would cry some too. It was beautiful. I got to hold her skin to skin and she let out a cry. I had never heard any of my 2 babies cry until then. Beautiful.
I knew time was getting close for her to go to heaven so I asked Bobby to ask people to leave. Bobby held her as she took her last breath. As she was about to go we were praying, "Jesus, she is all Yours." Once she left I looked at Bobby and said, "She's completely healed now." It was so peaceful. We didn't break out crying. We held her longer and looked at her little hands a feet. It was so silent. We called my parents and told them that she had passed. Bobby's parents had gone to get him something to eat so we told them when they came back. Some of Bobby's family was still there so we let them say their good byes. Bobby and I held her a little longer and then we called the nurse in there to take her. I held her body tight not wanting to forget the feeling of her and cried because she was no more.
As much as it hurts to not have another child with us we are at peace. We know that she belongs in heaven and that she is not going to feel any pain or suffer. This is something we have known about for a while, but decided not to tell everyone the details. We only told our parents everything. People knew to pray about Mary Alice and knew that there were concerns, but not all the details. It was hard at times when people would ask questions, but we would just tell them that we don't want to talk about it. I didn't want negative talk going around making things worse. We knew almost the whole time that she may not live and to know that she is okay now makes us happy.
Mary Alice Pope
Born: December 14, 2010 at 3:49p.m.
Weight: 3lbs 11oz
Length: 17 1/2 in
Died: December 14, 2010 at 8:56p.m.
She is a miracle.
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